I want to talk about it, but it hurts too much. Every moment I have to myself, the last 6 months, the last wasted 6 months, go through my brain and I want to cry. I want to blame people, but it isn't really their fault. I want to cry when I see Wyatt watching kids at the park, just yearning for them to play with him. See, I've got to stop now. The tears are coming and I can't deal with it right now. Gosh, I feel like such a fool. A fool for thinking I deserved another blessing, a fool for allowing me to have hope, and a fool for letting this process get the better of me and being emotional. What good do these tears do me except give me a headache? And yet, I'm not ready to smile yet either. I just want to keep hiding. It was good to be with family and see friends, but my head is somewhere else. My face is so broken out, I feel like a awkward teenager. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. And the damaged nerves from the injections are causing pain that shoots down my thighs. I'm looking forward to getting out of town, again. Its too hard to be at home and deal with this. I'm scared for when the vacations are over though. What am I going to do then?
No comments this time guys. Though I appreciate them so much, they just make me cry too!
