Imagine a game of tug of war, and I'm the rope. On one side of the rope is Team Fertility, and the other is Team Obligation/Commitment. That's how I felt today as I left the thyroid doc. At my first meeting with thyroid doc in March he told me that going to the fertility clinic in May would be very unlikely, to plan on the summer. So I did, and by planning that, I made commitments to others (Girl's camp, among other things). So with today's news, though I should have felt relieved and surprised, I felt confused and thought, "What am I going to do now?" My levels came back down and I am ok to go back to the fertility clinic. I should be so happy, and I'm not. After calling the clinic to get the cycle schedule, I learned I'm too late for May. But if I start in June, I may be getting injections up on a mountain and going back and forth for blood tests. Why is it never simple? Why do I feel like I'm always forced to choose one or the other? I am thankful for friends and family who are trying to keep me calm and remind me to get all the facts first before I start to freak out (too late by the way). I'm still so confused.
Next thing is I asked Thyroid doc since I will continue to take the medicine will I start to feel better. His response, "Not really, your level wasn't bad enough in the first place. We just needed to fix it for the fertility stuff." I wanted to cry. Do you mean to tell me my tiredness, my irritability, my weight gain is all in my head? Well that's just great! I guess I just put too much faith in a little pill. I'm going to have to start taking matters into my own hands. Its no one else's responsibility for me to feel better but me. I suppose I'll start by reading about what I can do. I'm doing a cleanse, trying to rid toxins from my body. I know that there are people way worst off that I am, and being "tired" has never been a good enough excuse to get out of responsibilities, but its hard to get others to understand that I just don't feel good. Its very lonely.
4 comments:
I am sorry that this is so frustrating, and that you feel so lonely. If you ever want to hang out or even just chill just call! I would love to rid you, Sommer, of your loneliness. We could watch a good musical together or something...:) I'm sure it is very frustrating too to wonder whats going to happen with Girl's Camp and everything...injections on a mountain doesn't sound super fun, but you are strong and I know you will figure out whats best for you and your family. Family comes first (even above church callings). Love you lots girl! Hang in there!
July sounds good! (wink, wink) But I am being selfish because I have never had the opportunity to spend time in the waiting room with a friend going through the same thing. ;-)
Keep on going Sommer! I think being tired is just apart of being a Mom, I am tired ALL the time and before Gage I had more energy than I knew what to do with. You are a hero and role model to many of us who read your blog. LOVE YOU!!!
Oh boy Sommer, you do have a challenge ahead, but thankfully you also have a fabulous support system in your family and friends. You are NOT alone!!! I too have been tested for thyroid issues...twice and both times they say I'm fine... whatever... I know something is out of whack, but, like they told you, it must just be in my head. I guess it's "normal" to be exhausted 24/7 even after 8 hours of sleep. Do something fun and creative for National Scrapbook Day, that should make you feel better even if just for a moment.
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