Then, after I had Wyatt I had a conversation with a young woman, who, chronologically was in her early 20s, married and with a kid, but seemed 12 years old. She asked me how many kids I had. I replied, "Just the one." She asked, "Well how long have you been married?" To which I replied, "Almost 10 years." This young lady then looked me up and down and exclaimed in a most disgusted tone, "You waited a long time!" That ended the conversation quickly. I didn't have the energy, nor the desire to explain to this 12 year old that I felt a college education was important and creating a stable foundation for our home life, not to mention the 4 years total of just trying to get the one child I had. Once again, an unwanted opinion.
So now, once again, I am bombarded with unwanted opinions. Here's what I know: I want to feel good. I want to have energy. I want to get rid of toxins that are poisoning my body. I want my body to be whole before I go back to the fertility center. Is that too much to ask? Last time at the fertility center, it never occurred to me to worry about my own health. While I was pregnant and on bed rest, everyone seemed to care about the baby, but what about my health, my well-being? It was my body after all! This thyroid situation has opened my eyes to things. How am I supposed to be a good mom if I'm not well? I've decided to take matters into my own hands. If those thyroid pills aren't going to help me feel better, than I have to do something myself.
But, like clockwork, just when I make a decision for myself, the opinions start pouring in. So to you nay-sayers, know these things:
- I am keeping the Word of Wisdom, I never have, nor I never will drink alcohol or do drugs.
- I am eating foods that are good for me, though I would really like to lose weight, I am not starving myself.
- I am drinking tons of water.
- I am having some procedures done that would be considered alternative medicine. These are not taken lightly. I have researched them and I have taken the WANTED advice of close friends that would not lead me astray.
I'm sure I might not have a lot of comments after this post, because you will all be too afraid to have an opinion. I would love for you leave an answer to a question. What do you do with unwanted opinions?
7 comments:
Would you like to hear my favorite first?
*****"Just RELAX! It will happen when you AREN'T trying!"***
If I had a penny for every time someone told me that, I could have paid for IVF in CASH at this point.
For me, unwanted opinions come with the territory. My mother used to say, "Oh, just let it roll off like water on a duck's back!" But that is easier said than done. And my mother, actually, is one of the worst when it comes to giving me *unwanted* opinions.
Honestly? I think some people don't realize how much they are hurting you when they say things. I don't think many people know how to be helpful and just trust that you know what is right for your body. Being supportive, even if you don't always agree, is something many people just don't understand.
I will give my opinion, although I don't think it is negative, judgemental, or unwanted. Alternative medicine is a wonderful thing. I found an eastern doctor years earlier for some health concerns and then did accupuncture before I got pregnant with Ainsley. All wonderful experiences, despite listening to all the UNEXPERIENCED people around me tell me I shouldn't take the risks.
:-) Good luck! :-)
Sommer, I don't suffer from infertility but my trial in life is caring for my children, and maintaining a suitable quality of life for them, with all the nay sayers in my face telling me I'm going about it the wrong way. That sounds really cryptic but just know I've tried LOTS of alternative medicine approaches and VERY FEW people have been supportive. Talk about unwanted opinions!! Anyways, this is not an opinion but just an FYI. There's an integrated doctor who does IV treatments that I hear are REALLY amazing, horribly expensive but amazing. I've never personally done them but I know people who have and swear by them. His name is Robert Milne and his office in on Pinto Lane (right down by Dr. Groom's office if you know where that is). It's just an FYI, you do what you gotta do girl!
Do you know what I think is almost worse than unwanted opinions? The precursers to unwanted opinions. It's the "You're such a wonderful mom", or "You do such a great job" that is then followed by the list of things that I should be doing different. Does that make sense to tell someone what a great job they're doing and then tell them that they should be doing it different? Drives me crazy!
Anyways, I've finally decided that everyone has their own trials in life and I have to make my own choices and then have faith that they are good choices.
But in the end I fell like venting helps the most! I think that's why I love your blog so much. You have the courage to be truly honest with yourself!! I really admire you.
When my grandfather performed my wedding ceremony, he told David and I that we would be told how to do things by well meaning family and friends, and he told us to listen kindly and then do what we felt was best for us. Most of the time, people are not aware that their opinions are hurtful or inappropriate in any way, they think that they are just trying to help. I think we have all been there--not knowing the experience of someone else and trying to give advice or comfort the best we can and it just comes out totally wrong!!! If it's from someone who loves you, remember it comes from love, and if it is someone who doesn't know you, then, who cares?! Life is too short! I could go on, but hey, this is just my opinion, wanted or not!!!!;0)Julie
First of all, I love your blog, secondly, I say screw 'em all! I am right there with you on having my life and body in a great stable place to raise a family. Dan and I were surprised with Bella 2 years ago. She wasn't part of our "plan" at the time, but I am loving every minute of it! I am the only one in our ward and amongst most of my friends that is not adopting, pregnant or has not just had a baby. I get so much crap from everyone and it makes me feel like I'm some sort of criminal. What if I did have fertility issues? It is so NONE of their business. Having children and raising a family is such a personal thing. A lot of my best friends are dealing with infertility issues and it is SO hard to see the pain that they go through daily. It drives me crazy that people prance around with their ignorant assumptions that are not only invasive but downright rude, no way are they entitled to judge. I cant believe people have the audacity to even pry into peoples lives like that. Sorry, jumping off my soap box.
The best thing I have found is to surround myself with positive people and environments, that helps to have a positive attitude when sometimes that's the last thing I want to do. Listening to nay-sayers will only bring you down in a time when positivity is so essential. Ignore the comments and do what is best for yourself and your family. Whatever it takes for you and your family to progress in whatever capacity is your business and more power to you. Good luck in whatever path you take! :) Love ya!
I will start by saying that when Rob and I decided to have Luke at home it became people's sole mission to convince us why that was the worst thing we could do. Why would we NOT want all the drugs that could be offered to us at the hospital? They all had stories of how their baby would have died if he wasn't born at the hospital. Their Brother in law's sister's niece's cousin would have had brain damage if they didn't take him by c-section at the hospital. When Rob and I were taking some birthing classes they had a whole night of teaching us how to mentally create a barrier to block people's negative thoughts. Strange... I know, but it totally worked for me. We would have to tell some that we know they have good intentions but "we would rather not hear all the horror stories they wanted to share with us. I would not have done this had I thought there was any risk to myself or my unborn baby. We have spent countless hours researching this and this is what is best for us......maybe not for everybody....but for us." If you set the precedent early or just once with each person they seem to back off. I don't think people are intentionally trying to hurt you or make you feel bad they just don't think about what they are saying or how it will affect others before they speak. I know.... I have done it myself and I use to be married to the biggest opinion giver I know. He has definitely changed over the last few years.......a good thing!
Try being honest about your feelings. Pick a time free of distractions and choose your words carefully, such as, "I know how much you love Wyatt. I know you think you are helping me when you give me advice about this, but I'm comfortable with my own approach, and I'd really appreciate it if you could understand that."
I hope you find someway to handle this without it upsetting you too much. I think you are a wonderful mom and Heavenly Father knows what you want and is aware of your every little need. Remember that!
Sorry that was so long! Love you tons.......Tiff =)
You go girlfriend! I couldn't agree more! It is hard enough to have to deal with it on your own but to have to listen to everyone else's opinions on what they think is best for me drives me crazy!
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