Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Have to...
I can't bring myself to go to sleep tonight. I'm tired. I could fall asleep. But I just have this feeling that I'll wake up confused with thoughts going over and over in my mind in the middle of the night. I started my injections today. The needle is small, it doesn't hurt, and yet I cried right before jamming it into my thigh tonight. I don't want to do this. I don't. I don't want to hear Wyatt ask, "What's that shot for Mommy?" I don't want to explain to Byron that I have to be the one to give the shot because church obligations will make us apart from each other for 2 weeks. I need to get used to doing this again. I have to do this on my own and I don't want to. I don't want to put a smile on my face afterwards. I don't want to be strong, and yet, I don't want any help either. I don't want anyone to think they can just step in and take over, and so I have to be strong. I have to put on the smile. I have to wipe the tears. I have to answer Wyatt with a very vague answer, "Mommy just has to, Honey, just like you get shots." If this family is to grow, I have to.
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2 comments:
I hope this difficult time of injections and constant appointments goes by quickly for you! I have everything crossed!!
P.S. I know you have a ton on your plate right now, but I would love to get together and let the wee ones play. Maybe Town Square one afternoon or early evening? I also can get us in for free at the Shark Reef! Think about it and maybe we can plan something soon.
Sommer, I certainly hope this goes by quickly for you too. The injections were very hard for me going through this process, but I can only imagine doing them with a little run running around asking questions. Good luck. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
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