Its Never an Easy Road

It took us 2 years of fertility treatments to get our son Wyatt.  With my pregnancy with Wyatt, I was on bedrest for 2 months to prevent preterm labor.  Then my son was born with such a terrible conehead, the doctors thought it was fused that way and sent us to a neurosurgeon.  Luckily he was fine.  As you know from this blog, we tried to get pregnant again with fertility treatments, with no luck.  Then we were sent a blessing out of the blue by getting pregnant with our 2nd son, without a single fertility drug!  We were amazed.  But though there was no bedrest, this pregnancy was no picnic.  I was having terrible contractions near the beginning of my 2nd trimester.  It was painful and limited what I could do.  I thought once  had this baby, we would be able to move on with our lives and be a happy family, living a carefree life.  But when it comes to me and making babies, having babies, and caring for babies, its never an easy road.

Midnight, after Carter was born,the nurse noticed some sounds coming from the baby that didn't sound right.  After a few consults, Carter was sent to the NICU.   I had sent Byron home for the night and therefore was alone, trying to get the epidural to wear off enough for me to walk down to the NICU so that I could understand what was going on.  The doctor went down this insane list of things he thought was wrong with Carter, it sent my brain spinning.  It would be a day or two before someone would finally explain to me what they thought was wrong for Carter.  His bowels are not working quick enough, causing large pockets of air, which is putting him at risk of bacteria growing.  If too much bacteria grows, it can perforate his intestines. The docs tried him feeding from a bottle, but it made the condition worse. He is having a pic line put in to send antibiotics straight to his heart, will be fed by IV, and has a vacuum in his tummy to pull out the air.
I can't feed my child.  He starts to cry, opens his mouth like a baby bird, swinging it side to side, just hoping for some milk to go in.  And I can't give him any.  The doctors try to keep me positive by saying this problem will be fixed, but no one knows when.  No one knows when the nurses can take the tubes and wires out of my baby boy's arms and chest.  No one knows when I can take a bottle and feed my baby when he cries.  No one knows when I can take him home.  It is devastating to me.  I just want to be Carter's mom.