If you haven't gathered from my past posts on both my blogs, I've been really depressed. especially yesterday. I'm seriously questioning my drugs, but it could just be the day to day stresses of my life piling up on me. Well, even though I never said those words down on my knees to my Heavenly Father, he knew they were coming from my heart and that I needed some help. Would you believe that today's subject in church was "Joy and Happiness?" I realized it as we sang "Count Your Many Blessings." Very clever Heavenly Father, thank you for the subtle reminder. Sure enough, the youth speakers gave their talks on happiness, of course. Then it happened. Heavenly Father had the only person speak that he knew I would listen and hang on every word. Sister Lata.
Sister Lata is a wise, kind woman from Hawaii who has the most soothing voice in the world. For some reason the tone of her voice and her Polynesian dialect calm my nerves, yet demands my attention. She came to the pulpit and announced, "My brothers and sisters, Aloha!" I love it when she does this because for a split second us Mormons can be just a little bit rowdy! "Aloha!" we answered back. And then her talk began. Without me going into great detail, Sister Lata talked about ways to get joy back into our lives. This talk was for me. Tears began to fill my eyes because it was like she knew every single thought that was in my head, every pain I was feeling, my loneliness, my confusion. Her statements were not vague words that could have been about anyone. These words were for me, very specific in nature. I found myself shutting out everyone in the congregation, and I felt as though it were just she and I sitting in a room, with me listening to her wise advice.
The things she said could have been said by anyone. Byron could have said those things, my mother, or grandmother. And most of those things, they have already told me. But Heavenly Father knew that I would listen to Sister Lata's voice today.
To make matters worse, I had to give the closing prayer, which, of course, I bawled my way though. It probably made no sense. But I was so grateful to be there near Sister Lata to tell her my story and that her talk was for me today. She took me by the face, kissed my cheek, and with conviction told me that God loves me. When I feel alone, God still loves me.
2 comments:
Sommer-when you said the closing prayer I knew you had been touched and felt it was for you. I read your post yesterday and today when she talked I actually thought this is what Sommer posted about "being too tired for Joy". I am sure it has something to do with the drugs, hormones, etc. Sister Lata really does have a way of touching the heart. When they announced she was speaking I thought, "Good. I love Sister Tua'aa." It's hard not to feel the spirit. I know you said that it was just for you but I needed to here it too. I've had a rough week myself...only mine stems from that period where they still aren't quite sure what's wrong. Yet everyone around me seems to be able to have kids and sometimes it doesn't seem fair. I needed her words too. I miss being in Relief Society and feeling the spirit there-although, I love the Young Women they are great. Hang in there...maybe we need to re-awaken Spa Night....hehe.
Btw, I hope it's okay to post- I know this is your more personal blog but it brings me comfort to know that I'm not alone in these certain aspects of life. I appreciate your willingness to share so openly your feelings...I usually keep mine supressed and pretend I'm fine (maybe thats what the middle child does). Thank you for your spirit and willingness to serve.
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